"MATUD NILA"

"Matud Nila" was the first bisayan love song I learned as a child. It simply means "they said". It was the only serious song I sang from kinder garten school until grade three. You wouldn't believe I almost always end up singing on the stage of our school everytime there is some school-wide activities. I don't know, my teachers simply liked the way I sing it, full of emotions and dedication. They simply want to let everybody hear me sing that boring song the way I do, that is giving life to the song.

Fast forward three decades later, I learned singing videoki as a drunken master. Meaning, I sing simply because I got drunk. The song "matud nila" was a thing of the past. I never tried singing it even once. I hate the song. Such a loser kind of song. I don't want to be a loser in singing, I want to be the winner!

As I slowly learned to sing videoki, I realized my voice wasn't that bad at all. So I kept singing and learning more songs that fits my voice. Learning new songs was fun. Singing while drinking was more fun. It gives me some kind of confidence regardless how bad I sing.

One day, I found myself drunk again in some deserted videoki. There was only the owner and and the waitress. The videoki place was all mine. So I changed a 100 Peso Bill for 5 peso coins to start my own concert. I first sang my favorite song "later" by fra lippo and rendered it in a way no drunken master ever tried. Followed by more songs of the same artist and singing the song like a true loser. Right after my third song, someone clapped behind me. So I looked back and found the owner sitting the table right behind me. She was all smile and said "more! More!" Looking at me like a five year old little girl who heard the viral song "let it go!"

"Is she mocking me?" That was my first question to myself. I looked at her and she seemed serious with her applause. So I smiled back and went on with my fourth song by Barry Manillow. This time, I rendered the song the way I sang "matud nila" during my kinder garten years. I was full of emotions like a kid who sings he's favorite song when no one is watching. Of course I knew someone was watching, but I didn't care. I was drunk and I don't know her. I finished the song with the confidence of Ogie Alcasid singing his song in front of Regine. And I heard the woman clapped again. I looked at her, this time longer and more probing like a real drunken master. Oh my God! She was beautiful!

PART 2

"Can I make a request?" She ask me. As if I am a professional singer having my concert in her place. I said "No, I am not a good singer." I very politely answered, in a most respectful tone, wearing my cutest smile I practiced in the mirror a million times since I was a kid. A psychologist once said that people respond more to the tone of your voice and facial expression than the words you said. I hoped it works.

"Come on, your just being humble!" She insisted, wearing her cutest smile. A smile that sends sharp arrows to my weary heart and hitting their marks bullseye! How can I say no? I'm just a drunken master mending my heaet aches when this woman out of nowhere decided to make a target pratice to any unsuspecting loser, if her charms are working. Of course its working! But I just can't be to shallow to let her know she already found a slave in me, after she flashed that poisonous smile. I just smiled back and continued my 5th song. I turned my back on her and felt the relief of being exposed to her gaze to hot for me to endure. I felt a bit embarrased of how I looked by drunk and lousy in her eyes.

I managed to finished the song despite feeling a bit conscious, knowing she was listening and could be watching my every move. I was sweating a little! The first sign of being uncomfortable being watched by a girl I liked. Still, I'm restrai ing to show any sign of being hypnotized by her. I turned back and found her smiling, growing beautiful every minute that passed. Smiled back and said "okay, what do you want me sing?" Praying that the song will fit my voice. "Matud nila." She answered. Matud nila...What! Opps! I almost choked to death hearing her answer.

"Are you sure?" I managed to answer back very weakly. She was still there sitting and staring at me, ever beautiful and charming. I felt every awkward being watched by her. Its been a long, long while since I felt that way being very uncomfortable with a girl. It was the last time I truly felt in love. I hate being in love. I feel weak, vulnerable, counscious, nervous, awkward and very uncomfortable when I'm with her. Yet, I feel happy and excited all time. Finaly she answered back. "Yes, I'm sure." Showing the confidence of a girl who knows that the guy in front of her is madly atracted to her.

"Okay, I will try." I said meekly with a sound of defeat. She is like my elementary teacher whom I cannot refuse. She had me in the neck, or should I say, she had my heart blackmailed. All doubts suddenly dawn upon me. Can I still sing "matud nila"? Of all the songs, why this? I angrily told my self. She stood up and punch the number of her request in her videoki and there it goes, 'matud nila' the song I hated to sing.

"Matud nila, ako dili angay,
Nga mag manggad sa imong gugma.
Matud nila, ikaw dili malipay,
Kay wa ako'y bahandi, nga kanimo igasa...

I sang it with open heart and felt good as I progressed. The song was indeed written with pain and humility yet full of love and determination. I felt the song. I sang it with all my heart, not as a loser but a fighter.

"Ingna ko nga dili ka motoo,
Sa mga pagtamay kong naangkon.
Ingna ko nga dili mo kawangon,
Damgo ug pasalig sa gugma mo."

I finished the song feeling triumphant. I thought that song was for losers but it wasn't. The song ended with hope and determination. I almost forgot someone was listening, when she clapped again like a little girl being granted of her wish for chocolate flavored ice cream! I looked at her with confidince this time. I want to thanked her for requesting that song against my will. So I approached her.

I said "I'm ...